whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize