I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ā€ˇ"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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