I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
