Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
