are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
