You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
