He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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