Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
