I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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