Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
