The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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