Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I will die if light touches me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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