I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
