honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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