Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am naked and annoyed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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