yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
