jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize