the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
