..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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