this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
