did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
