hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
