how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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