Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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