after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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