Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You can't motorboat a personality
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
