I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
