haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
