I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
