im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
