So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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