It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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