I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
