Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
