do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
