There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Welp...herpes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
