So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dicks are not precious.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
