No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
try to milk me bitch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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