Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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