the condom got lost in my hair
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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