planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
