Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
