I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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