had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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