Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
