i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
