Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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