I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize