I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
