im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
