why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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