She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
