i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
