I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
