i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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