Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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