he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
