maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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