Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize