you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
