bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
