I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
