I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
