I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize