Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
