its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
