Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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