You made me cry and you don't even care
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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