bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
