why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
