I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
