I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
