um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
