The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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