There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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