Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
