So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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