And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
