Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My balls are so social today.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
